I had a small epiphany today. I realized I want to be an artist. I practice martial arts, which is most defiantly an expression of art, but I’m talking about a more classical sense of art. Specifically, I want to draw. I’m not saying I have grand dreams of quitting my job and becoming a full time artist. I have no delusions about becoming rich and famous, going down in the history books as the greatest artist of the 21st century. I want to become a casual artist, an amateur artist that does it for the love of doing it, going home in the evening to create a picture instead of watching one.
This isn’t a sudden impulse from out of nowhere. It’s not like I’ve only drawn stick men my whole life and suddenly I think I have talent. If I could go back in time to alter a direction in my life, not counting silly things like asking that girl out a week sooner, I would take art classes in school and pursue my artistic talent. Not pursuing my drawing ability is one of my biggest regrets. I can’t play a musical instrument or sing to save my life but I always could draw.
I feel I should elaborate: I am not amazing at drawing, I can’t whip up a lifelike portrait on a whim but I feel with practice I could. I do have some natural talent. Ever since I was young I’ve liked to draw for fun. I used to get home from school and draw for hours; I liked making pictures based on the fantasy books I read. I came up with some good stuff for my age and throughout school, whenever a project required some artistic skills, myself and another friend were always the ones picked to do the job. For some reason, I never took art in school. I’m still kicking myself for that, I’m sure I could have learned a lot.
I can recall four things I’ve made that I’m really proud of; a portrait of another classmate I made in forth grade that myself and my teacher were surprised to find fairly accurate, a stipple portrait I made in high school, a landscape I did at work while I had a couple hours to fill, and my kung fu banner for black belt. I drew the landscape on the back of a long piece of graph paper and used a mechanical pencil. I was just messing around for a couple hours but it turned out pretty nice and the guy I was with put it in the job file with his notes for fun. Every now and then someone at work comes by and says, “Hey I saw your picture, all I can draw are stick men.”
At some point along the line I stopped drawing for fun. I would dabble now and then, having a blast doing so, but those were rare occasions where other people required me to draw. This has been in the back of my mind for a long time. A couple years ago I felt the urge to reunite with my old friend and I even bought a few books on drawing techniques. It didn’t catch though and I stopped again, mostly because I was frustrated with my lack of practice and general knowledge of the art. Since then it’s been a voice hiding in my subconscious, growing louder and louder as time passes.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about artists and their art. I finished reading “A Passage to India,” today and the ending was a catalyst for this realization. I really liked how poor Doctor Aziz decides to leave behind his good job and friends to move into the jungle so that he can write poetry and be at peace.
I’ve really come to respect and admire artist’s abilities. I think it’s very noble to express yourself through the creation of something beautiful. It’s a very simple concept but very few people actually do this. So lately I’ve found myself enamored with the concept of “being” and artist. I think the term “artist” can apply to anyone, as long as you are creating something you’re passionate about, and it’s a routine part of your life, I think you’ve earned the title.
I’m going to start drawing again. This isn’t like the other couple of times I’ve thought of doing it, something’s clicked and I feel like it’s important. I’m going to start small and see where it goes. It should be a great challenge, I feel less frustrated with my inexperience and excited about developing my skills. I want to be serious about it and I’d love to reach the point where I could put on a show or actually sell art. It would be fantastic to be able to make some money on the side doing something I would do for free.
I figured I’d end this with one of my favorite anecdotes about art. In the introduction of one of his books, my favorite cartoonist Berkeley Breathed (Bloom County: The best comic strip ever), said his interest began in elementary school art class. For one of his projects he drew an astronaut in space, leaving out a head, filled his mouth with red poster paint and spewed it where the head should be. This gave the picture a fantastically exaggerated head explosion. Upon presenting this picture to his art teacher her response was,
“It’s awful; you’re going to be famous.”
I’ve always liked that art teacher.
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