I’ve been thinking about the “mend 3 relationships” goal of the UBBT (not romantic relationships). When I was choosing which requirements I wanted to do for UBBT 6 I decided to leave this one out. I still back my decision because, speaking earnestly, I don’t have many relationships gone bad and those that have, happened for a reason. I think all the ones gone bad ended when I decided I didn’t want to be around somebody that only impacts my life negatively. The ones gone bad were unhealthy for me and getting out was good for me. There’s no benefit in mending them, I would be taking steps backward. I have my share of relationships that slowly faded into the mist, not really ending, just not continuing. Life happens, things get in the way, practicality rears its ugly head and people grow distant, the world keeps spinning.
Instead of mending relationships gone wrong I would like to strengthen some of my weaker relationships. I have a list in my mind made up of what I call high quality people. These are people I have met that, for some reason or another, made a strong impression on me as being fantastic people. The specifics of what makes someone, in my opinion, a “high quality” person is variable person to person and somewhat indescribable. They are strong people you want to surround yourself with. These are people we want in our lives because we feel that their presence could help us become better people.
It’s a social goal of mine to try and surround myself with as many high quality people as I can. There are a few people on this list that I regret not knowing better. So instead of mending past relationships I’m going to try and rekindle/create new ones with people I have always wanted to know better. I can think of at least a few names in my phone that I should be calling more frequently. I’m going to make a point of trying to integrate our social circles.
I was late with my last journal entry so I’m writing this one, two back to back, to make up for it, huzzah! This is a status update; it’s been awhile since I’ve done one. Things are going fairly well overall. I’m still ahead in some and behind in others. I’m on track with forms, pushups/sit-ups, journaling and reading but behind in acts of kindness, sparring and jujitsu. I’ve been grappling a lot more lately with another black belt during the week (Sifu Prince) but it’s still pretty hard to get 2 hours a week in. Sparring can be tough to get, especially since I’m running the advanced class now and can’t jump in myself to spar as much.
I think I’m a bit behind in the running/biking goal but the snow has finally melted and I got my bike tuned up yesterday so I’m ready to start putting on the km’s. I’ve been entertaining the idea of riding my bike to work. I probably will start doing it most of the week; it’s not that far, about 10 minutes in a car, I’m worried about riding in traffic though. This weekend I’m going to do a trial run to see how long it takes and plan a route. I’ll see if I can stay of the major roads. This will help with my 1000 mile goal and the buy/ride bike a lot goal.
My reading is on track. I was way ahead, I probably still am, but my lead has lessened because of a single book. I was reading D.H. Lawrence’s “The Rainbow”. It took me forever to read it; I didn’t have a lot of enthusiasm for it. The best way to describe it, in my opinion, is “filling”. A single page in that book felt like a chapter in others, not because I thought it was boring but because of the writing style and how much importance was put on every sentence. It was exhausting to read. I didn’t enjoy it very much. It was one of those things that, looking at it in its entirety, I admire it for the accomplishment it is, and find moments of brilliance here and there, but overall I got very little enjoyment in the reading itself. It was a very ambitious book and had some fantastic ideas but it was very heavy. I just started “Howard’s End” and I’m already moving faster and I’m enjoying it.
I got my first public performance in on Saturday (albeit a lousy performance on my part ARGH!), only four more to go, it should be easy to get since I want to be active on the demo team. I have a new goal to add to my UBBT requirements! The goal is actually one of my friend’s ideas, something he wants to do. It involves my participation and I was taking it fairly casually but I’ve decided to take it seriously and commit to doing it. This way both my friend and I can help each other work towards the same goal and keep each other accountable.
The goal is! … Drum roll please…
***Do something adventurous every month***
The main focus of these adventures will be backpacking/hiking/canoeing/climbing/snowboarding and other outdoor, wilderness orientated activities. I am leaving the interpretation of “adventurous” open to include pretty much anything though, so long as it’s bold, a step out of routine or a new experience.
I’ve been having trouble for the past couple weeks keeping a regular daily routine. I’ve just now started to pick myself out of the slump. I think it had something to do with my last few injuries. After I’m healed I try to get back in the swing of things and go hard right away. About three days in I usually feel exhausted and end up taking it easy for the next couple. It’s easy to get behind and it takes a bit of time for me to have enough energy to work hard every single day (except Sunday). I should really start getting more sleep, it would probably help. I feel like I need more sleep whenever I’m really active.
I’ve watched the new Star Trek movie trailer too many times and now I’m a bit excited, hence the title of this entry.
I’ve realized I always have more energy in the evening and at night. As I’ve said before, I’m not a mourning person, I’m a night person. On Saturdays when I go to open training around noon, I feel like I have half the strength and energy than I’d have on a weekday around 8pm. I like doing things at night, it seems to revitalize me. I’ve always felt some mysterious, primal connection to night and darkness. Something about it makes me feel vibrantly alive.
Some of my fondest memories involved doing things in the dark. In my JFW days we used to play a bunch of games in the woods at night like kick the can, grim reaper or hide and go seek tag. I loved those games! Breathing the crisp night air, hiding in the shadows, stealthily roaming through the woods alone with only starlight to guide you is a lot of fun. I remember wandering around in a field with some friends until we found a nice spot on a hill, in long grass, then we lied on our backs for a long time and watched the stars slowly creep across the sky. Moments of contemplation like those somehow seem intense, even though no great realizations have occurred it feels like something important has taken place.
When I was young we would drive into Edmonton to visit my grandmother. We would spend the whole day there and drive back once it got dark. My favorite part of the trip was the ride home. I’d lean my seat back, gaze out the window and watch the city lights go by until I fell asleep. When we got back home the city lights would be gone, replaced by the moon and the stars, I’d peer up and try to spot the few constellations I knew. I used to love driving by the windows of houses or businesses that had their lights on. You get that brief, clear glimpse of the people or objects inside that no one notices during the day. I used to wish I could teleport into those rooms behind the windows and exist, for a brief instant, in someone else’s life, as an invisible, quiet, omniscient observer. Just to see the different lives being lived around me and feel what other people are feeling in the times of rest when the great forces in our lives are temporarily forgotten. I still get this urge when I’m driving around the city at night.
Now that I’m older I still feel the same way about night but I enjoy it different ways. I love driving at night. It’s peaceful driving around the city when there’s no other cars on the road, I love putting on a good CD and cruising around. I’ve done this a few times for fun when I was feeling restless, I’ll get in my car with no place to be and just drive around aimlessly until I feel like going home. I think most of the enjoyment I get from this comes from my loner side, I like being alone and away from everything now and then. A good fire and a warm sleeping bag, on a mountain side, is infinitely more pleasurable to me than 100 hours of cold television glow.Night + nature + cards + lamplight= awesomeness. I’ve also developed an interest in caving. I’m hoping to go out exploring caves more often; I’ve only ever been to Cadomin a few times, it’s a lot of fun.
I’m guessing that the wonder I get from night is pretty common. Maybe it’s human nature to be fascinated with darkness. Or maybe I’m just a little bit crazy. I should look into my family tree, maybe I’m related to some Romanian royalty… could I be descended from a long lost count?
Hi my name is Jesse and I’ve been a music lover for about two, maybe three years now. It’s a pretty recent development in my life. I might have claimed to be a music lover before this time but I would have been lying, denying the truth. Before I became a music lover I was very passive, a bit indifferent, to music in general. I listened to whatever happened to come my way, whatever was handy and tolerable. I had favorites here and there but I never really got into them heavily. I never felt motivated to go out and find music, I discovered new music through recommendations or I osmotically absorbed it through mediums like radio and television.
My musical life was passionless, a confused, aimless, wandering through different genres. I’d often follow trends. I’d get into whatever was popular at the time. I always felt like I wasn’t getting enough out of music, something about my musical shambling seemed hollow, like I was missing the real point, like opening a Kinder Surprise to find nothing inside. I happened to know some true music lovers and I envied them. I was jealous of their ability to get a purer experience from music then I was.
I’ve always listened to the radio a lot. There was always a radio playing in the background at my parent’s house and I spent a lot of time in or around trucks at work. I listened to the standard commercial radio stations and heard the same things over and over. Eventually something snapped inside of me, I couldn’t handle the standard music like I used to, I was having a tough time stomaching it and the advertising that came with it. In a moment of desperation I turned to something else, the dial spun, I was looking for anything new, something I hadn’t heard before, anything without loud aggressive advertising or phony DJ’s! Something! Anything! By chance I landed on public radio, CKUA to be exact. I breathed relief, it was new, it was calm, it was diverse and accepting.
I didn’t think much of it at first, I’d tune in to it now and then but still followed my usual habits. Gradually I started to tune in more and more. It opened my ears! Here was something built around, designed for the sole purpose of enjoying music! It wasn’t trying to sell me anything! It stood alone, aloof, basking in its truthful glory. It seemed to say,
“Here I am in all my glory, I exist only for you. I exist solely for the benefit of those searching for higher quality. You may come to me and I will embrace you and love you but only if you come of your own free will. I will not be saddened if you do not, I will hold no grudge against you, for I believe, and am confident in my purpose. I will remain here, happy, waiting for those searchers to find me, forever in the air around you striving to uphold a higher purpose.”
I’ve been listening to CKUA for three years now and I am cured. I care about music. I have passion for music. I’ve started to think about music in terms of artists and albums instead of just individual songs. I discover artists I like and try to follow their works. I like to learn about them, where they came from, what their influences are, what they were trying to achieve or what they were feeling when they wrote their album. I can often be found spending hours reading the CKUA playlists and watching videos of the artists on YouTube, looking for something I like. I now take initiative in discovering music; I look for it instead of always waiting for it to come to me.
The DJ’s at CKUA actually care about and have passion for the music they play. You can hear joy in their voices when they talk about music and it in turn awakens joy in yourself. Instead of just playing the song, they talk about the artist, they let you know a bit about them and make you want to learn more. Why, one of their announcers even broadcasts from a cabin in the woods and reads poetry. While you listen to the music and poetry you can hear the crackling of a fire or the chirping of birds in the background and feel at peace.
I crave variety in music. I’ve come to find myself listening mostly to Folk, Indie Rock, Blues, Down Tempo, Lo-Fi, Electronic, Soul, World and Alternative. But I like almost anything that is high quality and sincere. I crave singers with passion in their voice and emotional attachment to their music. It could be the simplest or the most complex music but if it’s passionate I will like it. I love how I get chills every time I hear Bon Iver sing “Skinny Love” or Martha Wainwright sing, “Bloody Mother F***ing A**hole”.
I tend to avoid most main stream music now. It’s not that there isn’t anything good out there, it just seems tainted to me now. Maybe a lot of these famous, popular bands lose some of that passion when the money starts rolling in. Instead of creating music as an artistic, emotional, expression of something you feel strongly about, it becomes a means of sustenance. Instead of creating music to express themselves, they make up stuff they aren’t passionate about and slap it onto a CD because they know their former glory has earned them a reputation that will allow them to sell it, even if it has lost that certain something that made it stand out above the others. . Since I’ve come appreciate music more I like to share it with people. I’ll recommend artists or talk the ear off of anyone willing to listen to me babble about awesome songs.
I am overjoyed and surprised that I can call myself a music lover. I always wished I could and now I can. Still, I can always improve. My lyrics appreciation could use a bit more work. CKUA was my medium to find a love for music. There are many other ways out there to discover music; you just have to find them.
